Things are still going great. Although we are hoping things stay great once the stresses of school start again. Right now we are low stress, and because her issues are stress triggered, then things are good.
Each week Bren and I talk more and more openly with Paula (the doctor) and she helps us through difficulties. Today I brought up an issue I've been having more and more as soccer and dance sign-ups near.
Basically, the only time throughout the school year that I see Bren lighten up, be herself, and smile without worry is on the soccer field or on the stage. As a mother I revel in those moments, especially when I know that it will all vanish later that night during shower time. However, this causes friends and family to comment that if I were to take Bren out of soccer and dance, she wouldn't be stressed with homework overload, and *poof* problem solved! Um, not that easy.
I get their point, I do. But I also know that the stupid teachers will still keep piling on the homework so that they can illustrate their dominance over the teenagers that they can't outsmart and therefore feel a need to bully into submissiveness.
WOW...that just came right out didn't it! Couldn't stop my fingers from typing that if I tried!
Back to the point. So the homework is still going to come hard and heavy, as is the need to be the perfect student. To me as a mother it would seem detrimental to take away the only outlets my daughter has during the school year. So I argue back that I disagree, and think soccer and dance are the moments she is relieved from stress rather than adding to her stress.
But the comments keep coming. "I'd take her out of soccer so she can focus on school." "If she's stressed then perhaps you shouldn't have her in soccer and dance." All said in ways that are accusing and NOT in the least helpful.
Today I bring up these comments to Paula and ask her if I'm doing the right thing...I mean I'm even battling my husband over these issues. And Paula confirms what I already know in my heart: Bren needs those outlets.
Let me explain: Growing up in an abusive house was scary, embarrassing, stressful, gut wrenching, etc. I hated it. It changed me at a very young age and robbed me of so much. It was only when I was on my horse in an arena, competing and focusing on that moment, that I forgot that my step dad was an evil beast. If they had taken away my horse and my outlet, I can honestly say I would have been forever lost spiritually. So I see my own daughter struggle and I see the moments she doesn't feel a need to be perfect and she relaxes and I refuse to take those moments away from her. So screw all of you and your opinions and your snarky comments and your "I'm only trying to help" advice. Until you've lived even a day in mine and my daughter's shoes, and clung to those moments when you're finally in control of your own world, you can kindly keep your "advice."