Understanding My Role.

As we wait to hear from a potential therapist, our lives still go on. Last night was a hard night, but I am seeming to learn more as I go.

Since yesterday was such a beautiful day, I sent the kids out to play. Because it has been rainy the yard was still a bit muddy so the ball of course became dirty. But I was happy that they were at least getting some sunshine.

Once the kids came in and we ate Easter dinner, we settled in for a movie. It had been a great day, church was amazing as always on Easter Sunday, and the kids were getting along. But sometime during our movie I could see Bren's thoughts start to wonder. I looked down at her hands and saw the rough skin and raw patches from her hand washing and my heart broke just a little more. I asked her what she was thinking about and it opened the door.

Apparently, playing in the semi-muddy yard proved too much for her in the long run. Though she had fun with her siblings during the day, the possibility of what was mixed in the mud weighed heavy on her mind.

As we talked through all the rational options, I came to understand my role as her mother. She needs me to reassure her, to keep her fears at bay despite how real they seem to her. It's my job to help her sort through the fears. And I know this because Bren came right out and asked me to help her. It was all I could to not to lose it in front of her when I saw the pleading in her eyes, but I held it together and promised to always be there.

I always knew my role as a mother was to be there for my kids, no matter what. And not I understand that even more now.