I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted and worn out, but most of all my heart is breaking for my little girl. I really think I'm at my breaking point.
Tonight was such a bad night. I suck at this. Bren seems so out of control and the things she says are just beyond my understanding and I'm watching her little sweet mind unravel and then I feel myself slowly unravel at the thought of her pain.
I need help. I need some divine intervention to give me the strength to pull through this. I need to be strong for my daughter. And yet THIS was the last thing I am capable of protecting her from. How can you protect a little girl from an illness that is in her head?
Bren and I can't keep going like this. Mornings are rough, evenings are terrible, and I can't fix it.
Even my younger two are starting to suffer from all the strife and tension that we are enduring.
My family is strong and we've pulled through a lot, but this is HARD. And when I pray 40 times a day I need to know my prayers aren't just hitting the ceiling. I need to know they are heard.
Dear Father, you know I get mad at you sometimes. But you also know that I am still on your side and I am fiercely loyal. And I know right now I'm having one of my "moments" and I'm weak right now. Tomorrow I may be strong again. But tonight, I need you to just give my baby girl a moment of peace, a moment of compassion, and a moment of comfort. I'll find my own peace in that.
Loyally Yours, even when I'm mad,
Me.
y'all have my prayers constantly ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you and your family. The lord will get you through this. Has she started any medications? They do help. It does not make it go away but it does help some. Seroquel XR has helped my daughter alot. Along with Zoloft. It is very frustrating dealing with a child with OCD--it wears you down but you will get through the rough days. Make sure you take time for yourself. We try to plan at least 1 night a month where she stays at grandparents house so we get a break. Maybe a family member can take over for a night so you can have a break?
ReplyDeleteThank you Priscilla. I think after tonight, we are at a point where medication or hospitalization are the only choices we have left. Tonight is a bad night. :(
ReplyDeleteI get it...hugs sent your way....my daughter has come out of her room about 12 times this past hour to say she had a thought....repetative comments are the 1 thing that makes me nuts
ReplyDeleteEvenings seem to be our worst times. Especially bed time. It takes over an hour --sometimes longer for her to fall asleep due to having to get up out of bed to repeat herself or ask the same question over and over. She asked me if tomorrow was monday several times. :( We tried hospitalization over a year ago...that is rough and she hated us for it for awhile but it was in her best interest-hopefully your daughter will not need that...but if she does be prepared that she will be angry, but you need to do whats best for her