Sometimes...I don't feel like I'm the right Mom for the job.

Tonight was a hard night. On nights like tonight, I don't feel like I'm the right mom for this. Like I make things worse in the heat of the moment because at the end of the day, I'm a little broken too. I just hate how one night I'm hugging her through the shower curtain (to maintain her privacy of course) because she needed me to help her stop washing, and the next night we're yelling and mad because no matter how hard I try, I CAN'T GET HER OUT OF THE SHOWER! We went through an entire bar of soap in a week, and there's never any hot water for our other two children. Of course I try to put them in first, but it depends on schedules and sometimes all that is left is cold water after her 45 min shower.

I try to just shut it off, but she is always covered with soap so there is never an okay time to shut off the water and it just turns into a fit and we both go to bed exhausted. Then just a few hours before she kept clicking my phone to see the time. I asked her what that was about and she was timing herself to read for 30 min. I told her just to read and then look at the clock after a long while, not every minute or so because it wastes battery. I also mentioned that the teachers never expect the students to read EXACTLY 30 min., and that if she reads 25 it's fine. Yep, that was a waste of words. She isn't about to just read 25 min. when the assignment is 30!

I know this is going to be hard for both of us. I know. It's just that on nights like tonight, I can't seem to muster up enough energy to be as hopeful and confident as I am on other days. And sometimes I just don't feel qualified as a mother. But one day at a time, right?